Area 51 only gets a 3.4 on Google reviews.


Image via Google Maps

Remember when our secret bases were inviting, luxurious, modern and hospitable?  Well, it looks like those days are gone.  At least that’s what the reviewers on Google Maps are telling us.  It seems that America’s most famous secret base, Area 51, has lost some of it’s luster in the eyes of those who frequent it (or at least say they’ve frequented it). The following reviews are for the Air Force Flight Test Center, Detachment 3.

If you don’t know what Area 51 is, READ THIS ARTICLE. 

Editor’s note:  Do not attempt to go here because the government will kill you then you’ll be imprisoned and fined a hefty sum.


Some of the most notable reviews are shown below.

“The amount of NOPE is a bit much. Needs more tourism. Out of this world tourism exhibits. Amazing Eggs Benedict. Can you chill with the Black Coffee though? This isn’t Starbucks for Christ’s sake.”


“Customer service is rude, otijabdg is the supervisor in charge as soon as I seen him he was rude talking to me in another language I couldn’t understand ! And he also looked really green to me,eyes black and red, he looked like he was in another world .!. I thought he was stoned. smoking on that Jupiter OG! Rooms are clean! unfinished so bring a pillow,blanket exc.”


“The hospitality could use some improvements… same with living quarters..dark damp rooms with no windows. Loud neighbors clicking and clacking in weird languages but the egg’s Benedict woah…out of this world.”


“They put me in this weird green relaxation goo. But i got red burns afterword. Also treated me like a test subject…”


“Very rude, poor service, and ask a lot of questions…… Must of been the guy with the probes 1st day, walked with a limp for days now…”


“Not a very homey environment. Breakfast could use some salt. Not very gentle with the probing…”


“Got abducted by aliens they looked like sandwiches…”


“The baseball and and tennis court are amazing! The breakfast buffet is highly recommended, but the eggs Benedict is extraordinary!”

 5/5 STARS

“I can’t understand all the negative reviews here. Did anyone come to Area 51 to not get probed? Top notch service. And seriously, the eggs Benedict. Believe the hype.”


“Gotta ask for the Bob Lazar tour very in-depth just don’t ask any questions. However The eggs Benedict are to die for.”


“Can someone explain the eggs Benedict joke to me please?”


On the same Groom Lake base, there is a pin on Google Maps labeled “U.S. Air Force Nevada.”  Coincidentally, it gets a 4.3 rating from reviewers.

“Great place to stay. Very comfortable bed. Also, I’m still here, so if someone could come help me escape, yeah, that’d be greeeeeaaaaaat……”



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Mike Pence

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